Monday, August 29, 2011

NYC Royalty 3: Abdication

I know this post is a couple weeks late but I've only recently been barely able to peel my shattered soul from the ground.

What started as a wonderful whirlwind of  whimsical worship of the Hollywood romance movie type has now turned into a bona fide celebrity feud. Dead is the paparazzi dubbed "Natalmo" or "Elmatalia" and left in its place is pain and hatred. Not even our beautiful love child can save the disastrous train wreck of a relationship. I was PERFECT and he has to go and do something like this to me?!

What could destroy what everyone believed was the perfect relationship? It breaks my heart so much that I can't bring myself to say (or type) the horrendous deed. I will, however, share

I was minding my own business, surfing the waters of Twitter in search of waves of hilarity on this social networking beach of sarcasm. What I caught was a massive jellyfish sting to the heart that all the urine in the world cannot relieve.

Hope that blonde bitch was tickled. I sure as hell am not.

All I can say, is that a picture is worth a thousand words.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

NYC Royalty 2: Coronation

As has already been made known at the end of my previous post, I married my prince charming during my long weekend in NYC back in April. For reasons I'll reveal at the end of this post, we had to get hitched as soon as possible. Although I have no acquaintances in New York myself, my current ex-husband (we're getting an annulment as quickly as we were hitched) had several. Luckily a good number of them were able to make it to our snappy, spirited, and sprightly sacrament.

We had some high class famous guests at our ceremony!

Including some of his coworkers!

The food was fantastic!
(Yes, we got married in a local Starbucks)

And this is the end result and the reason why we married so quickly.
We had a baby!
But alas, like the vast majority of celebrity marriages our whimsical union did not last long. Soon I will expose my once enchanted lover as the philandering puppet he is!

Sadly, our love child had to stay behind but baby I promise! Next time mommy is able to go to NYC I'll come back for you! I just gotta find you a new daddy first! Preferably a sweet and sugary one. Momma's got quite the sweet tooth and a baby to a sugar daddy is like a dentist to a cavity. 

Maybe that's the real reason I gained all that weight, too much sugar.

-The Ex-Mrs. Elmo

Monday, August 8, 2011

NYC Royalty 1: Accession

What I am about to share, is a love story of truly epic proportions. Even straight men will be moved to tears by the anecdotal parable I am about to bestow upon the world. The outcome? I am now an enchanted princess married to her prince charming. Let me

As previously, briefly mentioned I went on a 4-day trip to NYC back in April. While we were at the terminal waiting to board one of my mom's friend's calls her cell to give some last minute well wishes and the last thing she says before hanging up the phone was "Have a great vacation, Natalia is going to find her prince charming on this trip!"

And so the search ensued. From that very moment my eyes were peeled for the one who would sweep me off my feet. Though usually a nuisance, I found the paparazzi that constantly follow my every step proved a benefit. They helped capture my mystical, magical, memories in NYC. I'll let the pictures (and captions) tell the rest.

Oh, by the way, my favorite color is red!
Something in the distance caught my eye.

And then..... I saw him!
From the moment we locked eyes, I knew he was the one!

And he swept me off my feet!
However, my story does not end there but the conclusion will have to wait until my next post.

-Mrs. Elmo

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Just a quickie!

Hellooooooooo out there!!!!!

To my 6/100 real followers, thanks for holding on. I'm back with just a very brief educational tidbit and tiny update on my life and lack of posts.

First off, I just finished 3 weeks at a new job. It's awesome but mentally exhausting. I get home and all I want to do is sleep. I'm also volunteering, which I plan on briefly talking about in the future. Later I'll try and post at least once a week and hopefully increase that once I get the hang of this new occupation.

So on to my quick educational information for the moment. I have a twitter account that honestly, I don't really use to share any moments of my life. I prefer to use it to follow others either for their humor or interesting life facts. In a previous post I've referenced OMGFacts but today I'd like to share a little factoid I picked up from Factlets, which I saw after it was retweeted by a friend.

"Female cane toads inflate their bodies so males they don't want to mate with can't hold on."

They even have a video to accompany this:

Another interesting fact? The explanation above is also the same reason for my recent weight gain! The problem now is attracting the males I do want.

Alright. That's it for now. I'm thinking of posting something tomorrow. I've got a lot of material from my previous job that I'm just dying to share and after that I'll do a brief post about my new job and how I got it.